12. Leaving Kathmandu or balance in unbalance

1. Getting packed
My big bag is packed, my small one is waiting just to be stuffed. There is only a night before my return back to village. Knowing that there is only a night in between, I am trying to postpone the time of getting less sleep,  to trick the time and my mind and my fear.

It is crazy how much I am addicted to comfort, to nice people of my interest, to warm bed, independence  good food. Knowing that already tomorrow my life will turn upside down, makes me willing to stay, to write methodology, to enjoy Kathmandu.

My last days here were full of all sort of events, making me unable to work and to know what to do upon arrival. Above all, there were my visits to dentist. Being so super-natural my body violently opposes any kind of external medications or devices, even local anesthesia. So every time I get this liquid, which is supposed to help not to feel pain, I get shivers, numbness and a crazy beating heart. Normally I could cope will all this and hold my breath being afraid that my strong shivers would make a dentist drill all the teeth altogether. Last time, though, I was even more unlucky by getting a needle in the nerve. This indescribable pain reaching my eyes and tears made me scream, cry and jump out of the chair at the same time. Being the worst pain in my life, the tears would just run out of my eyes making this dry Nepali season worse than monsoon. The treatment was still done and I almost felt OK, apart from running tears. Although with passing numbness the reality turned to be harsh-burning cheek, inability to smile or to open my mouth widely,  pain in jaws and eye. Consulting google made it even worse, because he said it could take months or eternity for a nerve to heal. I must say I am quite lucky though, by feeling pain I didn't let the dentist to put all the anesthesia inside and probably that’s why already next day I could smile, function and even chew properly, although without feeling a taste of food yet.

Anyway, that was not a good preparation for trip and not allowing me to work.

2. Trading my comfort for the second time

Leaving 9rooms was not easy. It was challenging me with discomforts possible only in Nepal-loses of electricity, water, internet; relying on sun and dying every evening due to cold. However, I managed to create my little zone of home and comfort, which is never reached in the hotel and for what long term travelers are so much longing for.

 We might enjoy it or we might hate it, but we are always strangers in countries so different from ours. We might create our social circles and to have lots of fun,  but there is somewhere deep inside us the wish to be understood just from our gestures,  to have common understanding of how things should go just because we have that common meaning of what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes we stick ourselves to foreign culture so well that no one, even not ourselves, can say any difference. When I visit my country, the most striking moment is going by bus from airport to the centre. Out of the sudden I can hear everything people say. I understand what they say. Moreover, I really understand what they say, I know the second meaning under each word and I know what that person will do in the second moment and what others expect him to do. And then I feel tired. So so tired of being a person, who is always at the social edge.

9rooms-of course, was not the homely home, but it was the place where I could arrange my life around my little favourite habits, making my days cozy. Besides, I really enjoyed that weird group of strange people, who came to Kathmandu to live. Why did they come here? Everyone could say their own reason, but I know, the real reason is never spelled out, they keep quiet just like me. I call those people seekers. Having those seekers around me life like that seems much more real than the one at home. It seems so unreal and stupid to strive for career, to go for achievements, to work or study hard, to pretend to be someone else, and even to try to look good. Everything here feel so much more important-to have long breakfasts, to have deep talks and even deeper moments of quietness, to have cross cultural jokes and have a proper sleeping time. No doubt that in this fertilized environment the friendship grows. It is not often you meet another weird seeker like you! So at the moment when interaction appears, your soul grows close to another soul and there is no time for masks and there is a point of being true just as you are, growing even closer in this soul nakedness. My two wonderful friends, so different inside and outside immediately bought my sincerity and we would spend hours talking about guys, religion, meaning of life and reincarnation.

How could I trade this place and risk again with my stability and social acceptance? Balance is in unbalance, as I always say.