16. Involving and being involved_breaking in the village

suspicious locals during focus group interview

I was scared several times just since I came. First of all, my host said a story of foreigners coming to implement a project here, but no one among locals did trust them so no one wanted to talk to them. If not my host, who actually risked and helped the foreigners, the village would not get several developmental projects. Another story was from my interviewee, who said "When foreigners come and ask people cannot speak. They know, but they don't say. Even if they know they still say "I don't know."

How can I make my interviewees speak if I even do not know the language and sit quiet like an ameba most of the time?

How can I make this research interesting for them? Last time I did several short interviews and they seemed to be far less from OK. I worked for few years in the journalist group, also for my studies I conducted so many interviews with very different people in different languages-and trust me, I really know how to make them. I thought I could “open” everyone simply because during the talk I become so fascinated by this person, almost like falling in love. Obviously, this encouraged another person a lot and the conversation rose very successfully, often going over time limits. However, now I fail. I hate myself for not being able to talk without the translator and without feeling them, like I always do. Only once, hearing a case of a mother crying for her son to disappear somewhere abroad, my sadness did not know its borders and the woman felt it. She didn’t want to talk to us at the beginning, but once she started she could see my feelings getting so close to hers, supporting and crying, just like I would quietly hold the hand of my best friend at her worst moments of life. At that moment the translator was not needed any more, when he was translating my words, the woman just said-I know, I can feel that.

Apart from that their words remain just words and never come close to my mind and soul. By writing their answers I can easily mix the people in my mind, feeling betraying their life stories.

How can I talk to them and let them talk to me? Shall I just rely on time? Even if I manage to build trust, confidence and friendship, this place is so scarce, that I would need to repeat the same long process of building trust many many times.

Today I came to talk to young people in the school. I talked twice and the first talk was a total disaster. The group of young boys would sit and don’t make any sound, trying to avoid an eye contact, trying not to look at me and mostly having their eyes down. It felt like I am here to punish them and they are just sitting at the principal’s office, making the impression that they acknowledge their fault. The second talk was easier, we arranged sitting on the ground, being more equal and more informal. I started with a small introduction game and explained myself with more jokes. When I finished and said to ask questions, there was a deep silence. This time I’ve decided not to let it be like that, so I divided them in 4 groups and asked to discuss with the 2 other people questions. It actually worked, slowly questions started to come. Girls shyer and not willing to say anything, but later they were interested in me more than in what I am doing. Fair enough, I just wanted them to be active. They sort of expressed their willingness to help, but we also have agreed that we meet tomorrow and two people will arrange everyone to come at the same hour.

Now I am sitting waiting for the next meeting to present myself and wondering-where am I getting involved?! Willing to do the research I am actually taking the role of a youth worker, trying to teach those kids not to be quiet, to discuss, to share, to change their thinking and behaving habits. Who am I to do that? Do I have rights to do that, to intervene in this community, living its own rhythm and doing it quiet well? Why would I need to introduce western standards of youth empowerment? Noone asked me here to come and no one said they need what I am doing here. Shall I step out before it is too late? What if that is too hard and will take all my time without any success?

Actually this photo was taken on the last focus group interview with young people... The beginning was not that easy at all