13. Going home, going to Falaichha

One part of my huge village. 

Reaching Falaichha plane +taxi+bus+overnight stay+bus+bus was tiring as always, although every time the length of travel depends on luck and transport strategy. In the last bus I was frequently asking Sunil-is this already Chanktapu [the neighbouring village]? and receiving answer “no”, would get calm and relaxed. As it usually happens I somehow wanted and didn’t want to reach the destination. I fell into the lazy boring reflexive mood not willing to be interrupted and to do/think/go/plan something. Being totally in dust and exhausted from the ride and being squeezed by bags and people I still did not want to change my situation for as long as possible.

Going to Falaichha. A place of loneliness and linguistical and ethnical marginalization. A place of sqatting toilets located far outside. Beds on wood and food made on fire. A place of no cars and few people, long slipper walks. And forest. Going to Falaichha. Going home.

At the point when the jeep crossed the watershed and we all jumped due to bumps I realized – I’ve been here, we are close to the destination. Fear and joy mixed together and the excitement made last 30 minutes long as eternity. Finally my bag inside the bag cover was thrown out and I rolled out from the jeep. Immediately the anger took over my general mood and I got back to my role of a circus animal. Struggling with motion post-sickness symptoms and trying to get my bag out from the tight and incredibly dirty cover is a physically hard task, which becomes worse being tightened by a circle of people observing me with children glaze-too curious, normally perceived as rude and impolite in my world. I am a human! Either you help or stop staring at me; don’t you see how hard it is for me?!!!! – I screamed in my mind, reminding myself never to lose patience here or I might lose the key to those people’s hearts forever.

Typical-surrounded by children

Field work is not only your ability as a researcher; you need to combine qualities of a psychologist, sociologist and a person always in good mood. I belong to myself only in those few moments being alone; all the other time I am observed and monitored. Even though I am quieter here than any other time in my life (apart from the period when I lost my voice few years ago) every inappropriate move from my side is a lost game as it will create a snowball of gossips rolling around me.