22_marriages in rural Nepal

A week ago I attended one marriage ceremony. It was a Limbu-Rai marriage and even though a groom was born here, both of them now live in Sikkim (India). That was my first holiday and I was so happy, finally I could talk without my assistant – Sikkim people speak very good English.

Immediately upon arrival I got a specially honoured place, firstly I went to the room where the bride was dressed up. A beautiful girl was deeply in love with her husband, but definitely not happy about the whole procedure. She was far from an excited girl in the white dress, waiting for that day all her life. The wedding here is rather an exhausting ceremony for a young couple and the family. Especially in their case as they needed to come from Sikkim and there was just a short part of the road so they needed to walk a lot.

It was a second time for a girl to enter that house. She didn’t know anyone; all the guests from the village and from Sikkim are from the groom’s side, no friends or relatives from her side. These people will become her family from now on, but… having a wedding without being able to share it with your closest ones… I think she was happy to talk to me, especially because we spoke English and many people would not get the sense. Would she be able to say to her new family that she is tired?

Anyway she was one of those few lucky girls marrying on the right age with a person she knew and loved. Most of the cases are not like that and I will explain them more.


(But before that-few pictures from the local wedding!)

The first place where hosts bring the guests  in Limbu wedding-to a  place where alcohol is made

A desk where people give money, food or alcohol. All the gifts are carefully written down in a special journal by "accountant".

A group of dancers is inviting a new couple to join the party

The young husband is performing traditional Limbu dance with his group

The couple is receiving a blessing 

Me dancing. All the people came to look at me :)

Young couple

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Continuation

Being a woman I look at the perspective of a girl and so will be my description here. Sometimes it is love marriage: a boy and a girl meet few times and think they are good for each other, they are both of the appropriate caste, parents agree and everyone is happy.  After the mobile phone became a property of every young person, frequently there is another scenario-a couple meet during some festival, exchange phone numbers and start secretly calling each other, finally deciding to get married. Thinking that their parents would not agree for the marriage, a girl runs away from the house. And once she has done it, there is no way back, she is married.

Another type is arranged marriages when parents decide about the partner. Occasionally in those cases a girl has a right to agree or disagree with a man she barely manages to see once. But not always. Once I have met a girl of the age of around 22. She was studying and living temporarily with her uncle in the lowlands. In the morning a group of unknown people came and in few hours she got married with a person she has never seen in her life. In few more hours she went with him to her new house in mountains, far from her comfort and understanding. Here she needed to learn everything she has never done before-to walk up and down on the bad roads, to collect firewood and make food on the fire for the whole family. She has been falling many times becoming an object to laugh. She has learned many things, though even after 6 months she is still in the shock. Has she learned to love her husband? I don’t know.

Age for a bride varies, from 14-25 and it’s not always that those young girls are forced to get married; quite frequently they are the ones who run away. Just like modern Nepali Juliet.

The story is not yet over; sometimes a man decides to have several wives. For whatever reasons he brings another woman in the house and then the two share a husband, duties and a house, calling each other “sister”. In some cases the new wife and the old wife do not find peace and the old wife is sent somewhere, to his parents, for example. There are also worse scenarios-a man is travelling around, marrying here and there (in our world we would call it f…ing here and there), making children and at some point moving further in search of a new wife. I’ve talked to one woman here; she lives just with her son on the rented land. Just during my stay period she needed to change the house, because the owner of the previous one asked her to leave. She said her husband has around 12 wives.

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Through walking here and there in different wards I was out from my original house for 2 weeks. After coming back I got to know that a daughter is getting married in 1 month. She is 17. She has seen her groom for few minutes once in her life but she has already his photo on her mobile. I've asked if she is happy. She has said that she is very sad.