Crying baby in Doha airport and tasty lounge snacks are good reasons for not to sleep and to dig in my philosophical reflections leaving Nepal and returning to Copenhagen.
I remember typing a letter to me few months ago. I was desperate and I would try to lure in the future writing questions to myself few months after. With the tears dripping on the keyboard I asked in the mail: Have you become more confident about your research? Have you managed to fulfil your dream and to go to high Himalaya? Are you sad or happy from leaving Nepal?
Of course,
my stay in Nepal was absolutely unforgettable and generally speaking-amazing.
Although so many times living in the village would be like long-lasting chewing
gum, it would stick to my fingers and my mind, becoming totally tasteless but still
impossible to get rid of. So often I would see my days in hours counting how
much time is left. To be even more honest-sometimes I would simply hate my
respondents.
On the
other hand now, sitting in Doha airport for next 5 night hours the thing I am
afraid the most is to come back to the previous me. Trying to comprehend this double-edge
experience and paradox I will entrust my fingers to tell the
truth to my mind through typing on my trustful work computer.
I am afraid
…
- to stop laughing sincerely, loudly and easily
- to lose my skills of making friends with absolutely every single human and animal body met on my way; Afraid that random people will not tell me their life stories and will not invite me in facebook.
- to dive again into world affairs, crises in environment, human rights and relations between people, nations and beliefs. It was so good to be out for half a year and to read news only 3-4 times
- people soon will not tell me that my face became so fat (it supposed to be sort of a compliment in Nepal) – even though it sounds horrible for my Western girl psyche it is still better than getting bony stressful face again
- to forget my daily rhythm of waking up at dawn to see first sun beams and to be tempted by internet, friends and work to go to sleep later than 22
- to eat again lots of sweet things
- that crazy Russians will categorize me into other foreigners who after the trek get into their lonely books unlike Russians, who prefer to talk, joke and sing
- to fall again into obligations of electricity, nice furniture and many clothes – obligations to be fast, efficient, to look frequently in the mirror and, for God sake, not to spend 2 hours just for daily lunch. I am scared to get speed and to loose essence
- to see my computer screen more than trees and mountains
- to be waken up by trash collector and not the birds
- to compromise my happiness with problems of others, my things to do and failures. To care too much
- that people will start calling me normal again
In this
unfinished note I am going to freeze my blog for next 4 months (the time to be
spent in Europe before I go to Nepal again), hoping that my experience will stop
whirling and will slowly and gently rest in my mind.
Finally, I would
like to hug all of you for being with me through my adventures, sad and happy
moments. I was writing all those stories driven by only one wish-to spit out my
unspoken thoughts drilling me from inside for hours regardless time of the day.
Sometimes I would wake up at night unable to keep this anymore. Sharing therapy
was by far the most effective remedy which would still keep me balanced. Even
though my public blog has been never written for public the support messages I
received from you were encouraging and warm not to feel lonely. Thank
you for being with me this time!
My blog will
be continued after summer, but meanwhile I do not disappear for long-the blog
about 3 week long trek in high Himalayas is on the way!
